My Birthday

Well here it is, September 27th, 2007. I am now 24 years old. It's so weird how time can crawl by or fly by even though the clock is always ticking at the same rate...or at least we think it is. Dun dun duuuuuuh....(that was my climactic theme music, I hope my try at phonetic spelling made that clear...) ...Anyway, it seems like not too long ago when my birthday was the epitome of fun and glory and I couldn't wait for the party my mom would throw me where there'd be some theme running through the decor, the games, and the cake. Usually there'd be some mass gathering of small girls, which of course always makes for a good time, and most importanly, a wide variety of presents...I used to count down the days till my birthday, eagerly ancticipating the moment I'd wake up to that wondrous day much like the feeling of Christmas morning...Yet it's been years since I've had such anticipation mounting or a countdown or a party...Something happens as you grow older...Well for some of us anyway. Some people simply start to dislike the process of aging, wanting to stay eternally 17 for some reason...Others simply stop celebrating themselves...As I turn another year older I find that birthdays, like New Year's, are a good time to reflect and stop and ask yourself what you're doing with the time you have. I guess this is where I tend to get a little discouraged on my birthdays. I am like, What am I doing? There is still this prideful part of me that feels like I should be accomplishing some great thing that will give my life more substance. I realized this last night as, yet again, I couldn't fall asleep. I realized how sad that as a Christian I still measure my life in this way. I want to be faithful to the Lord and I want to serve Him in any way He asks me- which can be small or big to human eyes, but I'm pretty sure are all the same to Him. In this job I've started to understand the restlessness that some stay at home moms feel. You spend most of your time in the house speaking to small children and part of you feels like you should be out participating in the world...Yet I know God has put me in this place and I know that He is teaching me a lot about Him and about myself. So really, there is nothing better to accomplish than exactly what's being accomplished right now- and not by me, but by my God....I know that I will never find fulfillment in anything but being His child and my disatisfaction only comes from immaturity spiritually...
So anyway, my birthday now brings about a lot more reflection than it does giddyness, or however that should be spelled, (I'm pretty sure Paul will help me out with that) but I am thankful to the Lord for another year on this earth that I grew in knowing Him and I pray that if I am to live to another birthday that I will only see more growth in faith, more humility, and a continual pursuit of Him.

"Racquet Ball"

okay, so my sister and i have recently taken up racquet ball...we're such amateurs that, I'll admit, just now when typing the name of it, I was unsure if I was spelling it correctly and had to google it...shameful...
I put the title with the quotations like that because we use the term "racquet ball" very very loosely...We actually spend very little time "racquetting" the ball, so to speak. There are a few minor inhibitors to that happening more frequently:

• Our ridiculous fear of the ball hitting us instead of us hitting the ball(she did in fact get hit by the ball today and it was quite humorous and also, unfortunately, quite painful. Needless to say this did little to deter further fear of the ball).
• Our inability to master hand-eye coordination (it's like suddenly I'm the most unathletic person who ever existed...no one watching would ever think I'd competed at anything in the collegiate level).
• Our recurring habit of stopping mid-game to have deep philosophical and theological conversations that drive us to question the purpose of our lives and asking ourselves whether we are fulfilling that purpose and analyzing our sin and failures...of course this somehow often begins while one of us is mid-hit and thus we lose any ability to hear the other person- have you ever tried to talk in a racquetball court? Nearly impossible! And to make it much worse, imagine yourself lunging for the ball while asking, what do you think are the deep hidden intentions of my heart when I'm sitting on the couch with a gallon of Ben & Jerry's and I'm crying because my child was mean to me? Now imagine trying to return a hit while also trying to answer that question!

Anyway, despite these factors, there has been some improvement! Tonight we were able to remove our "two bounces allowed" rule and also agree to remove the rule that the same person can hit the ball as many times in a row as they want to...

More importantly than this, we were able to really think about where we're at in life right now. I think each year we get surprised that another year has passed...that we're that much further out of our high school and college days- that much further from our childhood days and deeper into our "grown up" days...it's a strange transition. For me it's a whole lot weirder than the transfer into the teenage years. Those weren't so tumultuous for me as novelists and sitcom writers would have you believe they are for everyone conscious from age 12-18....I didn't question myself in life, what am I doing? where am I going? During those times it was obvious...But Megs and I were able to realize that we both want to take ownership of our lives- to lay hold of the time God gives us and the abilities He's given us and to use them vigorously, passionately, and unashamedly for Him. We don't want to hold back under the guise of "practicality" or get caught up in the social 'norm.' We don't want the goal of our lives to be paying the bills till we retire, or even to just enjoy the time we have. We want to use this time to discover and practice the meaning of loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and we want to draw others into this great discovery as well...We started thinking more concretely about what our gifts are and how we can really use them in new ways to fulfill the aforementioned purpose...

One other great idea we had came from a somewhat humorous yet painful thought...We somehow started talking about how many people in our world are overweight, yet at the same time there is an alarming number of people who are starving to death...While I'm overeating, someone else is undereating...I jokingly said that next time I walk into the pantry and pull something out that I am not hungry for, instead of eating it I wish I could wrap it up and mail it to some hungry person across the ocean...Well this in reality may not happen, but in essence we could try to make this happen...The idea is that we will look at the budget we have for groceries for a month, take one-fourth of that and set it aside, and then force ourselves to ration our food to last longer than it does, giving that one-fourth towards feeding hungry people...This may sound ridiculous or it may sound sacrificial, I'm not sure yet...I just hope that in the end, it's not something that just sounds one way or another, I hope it's a reality that really is one way or another...

Anyway...yes, all of these thoughts came from our new beloved hobby, "Racquet ball"...I'm still trying to think of something else to call it...right now "racquet ball" is code for standing in a plexi-glass room and talking while wearing ridiculous goggles and holding racquets...I think it'd be so great to have some fun play on words or conglomeration of words that we could rename this time...

Blogging Day One

Well here is my first official blog. We'll see if there will ever be a second...It's a Friday night, I'm waiting for the big kids to get home so I can help put them to bed (yes, the 9,7, and 4 year olds are out while I, the vibrant 23 year old single remain in the house). The babies are already in bed after a rollicking evening of smashing ice cream sandwiches all over their faces, taking baths in the kitchen sink, and then using me like a jungle gym/trampoline...My life has changed in so many ways since I've moved here from Cali...but one thing has not changed much- my horrid eating...I'd like to document what actually, by choice, entered my body tonight as "dinner":

• three mini corn dogs off the babies' plate
• 4 pieces of dark chocolate
• 2 red vines
• several gulps of soy milk that made it down my throat before I glanced down at the box and spied the "best before Jan 3, 2007" label...very disappointing...and somewhat upsetting in more ways than one...

Anyway, this blog is intended to document not only such events as the "scrumptulescent" (did I spell that right Janae?) meals that I take, but also the other ways in which my life is filled with excitement, drama, confusion, clarity, laughter and tears in my new role as nanny...This may be therapeutic for me, could be entertaining for you, or heck, maybe it will turn out to be something I just did to waste time one Friday night...