A Little of What I've Been Up To...

Okay Okay I am lame. The Queen of Lame. I wrote this a week and a half ago...yeah. So, it's already kinda old news. But here ya go:



Time in Australia is flying by. I have already been here over a month yet it still really feels like I’m still just getting started. The main reason it feels that way is because my foot is just now finally getting healthy so I have not been in practices and I missed our pre-season tournament and the first two games…So what have I been doing you ask?

Good question :). I have been spending quite a bit of time in this place:




This is the Lakeside Recreation Centre (the Aussie spelling)…This is where I work out, our teams practice, have our games, and where Lakeside Baptist Church meets on Sunday mornings. We meet in Stadium One which they convert for the service, laying out carpet, putting out chairs in front of the stands, and bringing out a stage and backdrop creating a much more intimate and “church” like setting. These pictures were taken on a Sunday after the service.

So most days I am there for some part of the day to work out and then we have practices on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I’ve also spent time going to various therapy and doctor’s appointments trying to get my foot healthy. The ankle joint was extremely locked up, my arch had started falling, and I was getting sharp pains in front of the inside of my ankle. I’ve had my ankle yanked and pulled on and squeezed and stretched and I got acupuncture in different parts of my leg to help loosen up the muscles around my ankle and in my arch. Thankfully, things really started loosening up last Friday and tonight I get to practice again for the first time in three weeks. I am so excited for it and really ready to get on the court. My foot feels the best it has felt since before the injury.

Another huge blessing is my team. The girls have been really welcoming. I have gotten to spend a little bit of time with a couple of them outside of basketball and they’re great girls. Not only that, but watching them play this last weekend was inspiring. They worked hard and brought up their intensity level tremendously. It’s never fun to sit out, but honestly, I was just so engaged in the games and so excited cheering for them that come game time I wasn’t thinking about myself at all. I am really eager though to be on the floor now :).

I have also gotten to see some sights and events since being here. Here are some pictures from Kings Park- a big beautiful park right near the downtown area and the Swan River (uh, I think it's the Swan River...right near a river):




This is from going to the Wildcats’ Basketball game.


It was fun except that they lost. The coach to the far left is Andy Stewart,the director of our club! He also assists for the Wildcats. He is a great coach and I have really enjoyed learning from him. He may or may not have threatened to break my nose today, but I may or may not have called him a pansy before that…so as you may or may not be able to tell, my quest to figure him out and joke around with him is rolling right along…



Another fun event I got to see was Australian football. I don’t have pictures from that but people, it’s as crazy as they tell you it is. The first time I saw it on TV I thought to myself “this looks like a bunch of high school girls running around” which is probably a huge insult but it looked like a bunch of men in short shorts running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Seeing the game played live helped me get a feel for actual rules and strategy (but seeing the short shorts live was not an improvement at all)…It really isn’t like American football at all, but is much more like soccer with how quickly the ball changes possession. There are tackles but it’s not the same as the NFL where you have these 400 LB monsters all ending up in a pile. There is much more movement and requires an entirely different skill set and athletic type. I’m sure the sport will grow on me, and I really respect the athletes, but I do still love American Football.

Of course another favorite activity here is hitting up the beach. I’ve gotten to see three different beaches so far and they’re all beautiful. What’s not to love about warm weather, cool blue water that doesn’t freeze you upon entry, and tons of sunshine???

The church here has been a huge blessing. This is the Pastor, Anthony Palmeiri.

A few weeks ago I got to sit down with him and just talk for about an hour, telling him more about myself and my background and then really just talking about the church and theology. I really appreciate him and am excited not only to learn from him, but from the people here. I have felt beyond welcomed here. I have people come up to me all of the time and introduce themselves. The people are so warm and caring and I was just thinking to myself the other day when the service ended how blessed I am to be at a place where I love going to church and I look forward to going to church. I think that says a lot about the people here and also about what God is doing in my own heart.

Two Sundays ago my friend Jeremy, who is the youth pastor at Lakeside, led a night service on worship. The evening consisted of singing praise songs with the band as well as going through a series of stations where we had the opportunity to take some time to pray and write down confessions and lay them before a cross, take communion, take time to pray and give thanks and praise to God, and to reflect on different verses in the Bible that talk about the light of God and then light a candle in significance of our devotion to the light of our lives and the light we have within us. It was such a huge huge blessing. I just saw there and reflected on the fact that I am such an imcomplete worshipper because I am a fallible human and God is well…God, but He has made me everything I need to be to worship Him exactly how He wants to be worshipped, because He views me as He views His Son- and His Son worshipped perfectly. It was so exciting to think about.

Right now I am still at the Van Schies. I will probably move out in a week or so, but I have still just loved my time here. I really do feel so at home, like I can just be myself and kick back. Riley and I have continued our “on again off again” relationship (he randomly decides to tell me that I am naughty and that he’s going to hurt me) but we have a lot of fun together. Today he was chasing me around the house with a dust buster- until he made the mistake of tossing it at me and I got a hold of it and chased him around for a while. It’s so fun to hear a three year old giggle.

Another reason it is great to live with the Van Schies? Occasionally Jason will drive down to his friend's cafe just up the road and bring me back a coffee...and sometimes he will even bring me one of these bad boys- a Lamington. Here is the official word from about.com/australia: Lamingtons are a quintessential part of every Australian's childhood. The little sponge cake is dipped in chocolate icing and then rolled in desiccated coconut.

I can't imagine a better combination of ingredients. Australians are brilliant...

So all in all, literally every day I spend time just thanking God for bringing me here, and many times still apologizing for questioning Him so much when I had to leave Germany (I know He forgives me, but sometimes I still feel a little sheepish)…I know that there will be more challenges along the way (the challenges so far being my foot), but I am just overwhelmed by how much I have just enjoyed it here.


I am excited to keep getting plugged in, to keep getting healthy, and to keep experiencing new things!




**Since writing this I played my first game. It was really fun, but at times really painful as well. My foot has been pretty sore since. I am going to get a cortisone shot after all. Uh...I think that's the main update ;)

Reformission On My Mind

Okay I know that it seems like I should have already posted another blog about my experiences here (okay, a first blog about my experiences here), but that’s just not what is on my mind right now. So, I promise I will do that soon (definitely sticking to a completely relative term there on purpose), but for now you can read about what’s on my mind or check back later for more details on basketball, the weather and such :).
One of the things I have been doing while in Perth so far is reading “The Radical Reformission” by Mark Driscoll. I know that mentioning that name can evoke very different emotions for different people so I will say this- I cannot completely endorse the man. I don’t feel that I have read enough of his stuff, heard enough of his sermons, or known exactly what has stirred all the controversy, to make a final judgment on the dude. Am I supposed to be making a judgment on him anyway? As I have read this book, I will be honest, I have cringed a few times at the way he has chosen to describe a few things- perhaps in an effort to seem real to all people, perhaps in efforts for humor, I’m not sure exactly. But I also know that more often when reading this book I have been pierced to the core- humbled, convicted, motivated, inspired, and even overwhelmed at the sort of love that God has given to me, to all of us. I think that his experiences and perspectives are completely worth reading and mulling over.

One particular passage that literally brought tears to my eyes and brought that sick twisting into my stomach was reading through his explanation of the story of Jonah. Driscoll points out that Jonah was unwilling to love people who God loved and that Jonah cared more about a plant and his own comfort than he did about a group of people who were going to be destroyed. He talked about how it is the Jewish custom to read the book of Jonah on the Day of Atonement. Apparently, at the end of the reading, the Jews reply, “We are Jonah.” That alone stopped me for a few seconds as the statement and the mental picture mentally and emotionally knocked the wind out of me. I imagine a group of devout Jews, God's chosen people, making such an admission and it humbles me severely. Driscoll remarks, “This truth is essential for rightly relating to Jonah. We are Jonah when, because we do not like them, we run from God’s call on our lives to bring the gospel to lost people, who he loves.”

This really made me think. Our God is so stunningly complex. His standard of holiness is unobtainable, the very word holy carrying the meaning of perfection, unblemished, completely set apart from sin. He has held this standard over all of us. Yet at the same time, when we have failed to reach that standard, even in the most gruesome, despicable, unbelievable ways, He has not failed to love and pursue us. Why then, why, do I fail to love and pursue the people who I think are failing to meet His standard? Why do I fail to love and pursue the people who are failing to meet my standard?

Driscoll goes on to point out the severe difference between worldliness and culture. He explains how we have often written people off as worldly because they operate in a different culture than we do- and culture is not bound simply by what continent you live on. There are sub cultures upon sub cultures that we completely disregard. The inner city kid has grown up in a completely different culture than the one from suburbia- and even those are pretty general terms. Do we try to understand the experiences, thoughts, expressions, etc that have shaped people or do we write them off because they do not fit into our version of Christian living?

Another thing that I have greatly appreciated about Driscoll is his emphasis that understanding a person’s culture, and trying to be relevant is never ever an excuse to sacrifice biblical truth. It is never a compromise on what is clearly laid out in scripture- it is rather a call to actually be discerning over what the Bible really says and to examine our own prejudices, our own compromises, and to be completely firm and solid and unashamed of the absolutes that we are given. It is not that the standard of holiness no longer matters, it is that the failure to reach the standard should never cause us to write people off but to engage them in a way that they will understand so that they can see the standard and love and trust the only One who can meet it for them- just as He had to meet it for us.

The book is thought provoking- what is the nature of church? What is my responsibility to my neighbors? What does it mean to be missional in my life right now? How do I avoid compromise and at the same time cast away any legalism I have built up?

How would Jesus really respond to the people around me?

Will I allow my discomfort, my laziness, my annoyances, my fears to guide me? How can I walk by the Spirit instead?

I want to be comfortable. That is honest. But I want to see God’s hand more. I am praying that He will push me and help me to love and pursue like He does. And honestly, that is a scary prayer because more often I am the Elijah who sat on a hill and cried out of fear rather than the one who called down fire from heaven, more like Jonah crying over a plant than Jesus sitting and chatting with the town prostitute.

So all that to say, I highly recommend the book. I would love to hear your (yeah you) thoughts on it, good and bad. And I’d love to hear how others are living as missionaries right where they are. God's heart is for the world, but we must see that the world is not an abstract people group thousands of miles away from me; the world is the guy at work, the family next door, maybe even that person in the other room.

Perth Cast of Characters

It is hard to believe that I have already been in Perth for five days. It has flown by and been an absolute pleasure so far. I’m still adjusting to the major time difference (15 hours) but I am feeling better and better. Last night I went to bed about 9:30 pm and I woke up this morning at 6:30 am…So yeah, pretty much my usual sleeping pattern ;) Ha!

Well I thought I’d take a little time today and give you a cast of characters, so that as I tell you stories of what’s going on here you can have an idea of who is who.

First off is Andy Stewart who is the Director of Coaches at Lakeside and the man who I had first heard from after emailing their club. He was the one I had gone back and forth with through e-mails and who called me that Monday morning to tell me I should pack up and head to Perth. I had been warned ahead of time that Andy has quite a sense of humor, but I am still “figuring him out” which I have also been assured I’ll never be able to do. Reason being is Andy has about the driest sense of humor of anyone I have ever met. His tone never changes, so you’re not sure when he’s joking and when he’s being serious, which is actually pretty fun . He has an obvious passion for the game of basketball and he coaches not only with the men of the Lakeside Lightning, but with the Perth Wildcats, the pro team here. Today he came into the gym and gave me some things I can work on. He also has a real care for people and I am excited to get to know him and his family better and feel free to joke with him the way I see others doing.

David Preston is the chaplain for the men’s team at Lakeside and a pastor at Lakeside Baptist (they’re the same place really, the Church runs the rec league and it all takes place in one building, so I tend to use those two names interchangeably). He is the man who called me the Friday before I had been offered the spot to talk to me about my faith and what not. He is incredibly kind and warm and checks on me regularly- making sure that I am feeling comfortable, making sure that my parents are doing alright without me, and filling me in on who people are. The other day he came up to me to greet me and ask me how I’ve been doing so far and after assuring him that I was doing very well and enjoying everyone he said “so you feel loved then?” I smiled and nodded. He said “good!” He is so genuine and also, has a huge heart for people.

The Van Schies are the family that I am currently staying with. Jess Van Schie is the assistant coach for the team and a former player. She is taking the season off this year from playing because she is due to have a baby in July (we’re all hoping for a girl)! Jess is really great. She has a great sense of humor and sarcasm which of course makes me feel right at home, and she likes to dish it back to Andy which is fun to watch. She is a great mom to her little boy Riley who is nearly three and a crack up. She just takes everything in stride. In addition, she calls me "doll" and "love" and who couldn't like that?
*Side note* I am noticing that pet names are big in Australia and I am loving it!
Jason Van Schie is Jess’s husband and also fantastic. He told me pretty quickly that he has always been a Phoenix Suns fan because he used to love Kevin Johnson, so of course I liked him automatically ;). He even showed me this binder full of old Suns cards as well as a game he downloaded from back in the day of the Suns and Sonics playing- with players like KJ, Kidd, and Rex Chapman on the floor! Jason is really kind and he is the sort of person who asks questions and takes an interest in other people. He is so patient with Riley (their little boy) and just a good guy.

Riley is a crack up and a half. He is full of energy and silliness and somehow, though he had been told my name is Jess, has taken to calling me Jessica. He now likes to say my name all of the time. Riley has curly blonde hair and long skinny arms and legs. He wears glasses to help with a drifting eye and has the cutest little grin which he always pulls out when begging for something with a “Paah weeeese?” He's always on the move and he just says the funniest stuff. Today he jumped at me and said "BOO!" So I started doing it back to him, but it wasn't like we were creeping out from behind anything, we just took turns jumping at each other and saying boo. He was getting a kick out of it, so of course I was too.

Laurie (I am sorry if I am spelling that wrong) is the occupational therapist I have been going to, some call him a physio. He is highly energetic and he calls everyone darling and what not and hugs you hello and good bye and just loves to chat. A few of the Lakeside guys have been referring to him as the "witch doctor" because he just does all kinds of stretching and manipulation that really hurts but helps and he loads you up on supplements and weird elixors and these things called “footsies” which are patches you put on the bottom of your feet at night which supposedly pull the toxins out of your body. Not sure what my verdict is on them yet...but anyway,

I have met the two American guys from the men’s team. Luke is pretty quiet, he is an only child, and I've heard, an awesome ball player. I think he was MVP of the league last year or at least on the all-star team. He is very unassuming, not all that tall for a ball player, and just quietly goes about his day. He is very kind and, as I found out yesterday at the beach, is also a daredevil (he was doing flips off the pier into the water)... I think he’s from South Carolina.

The other dude is Ben, a farmer from Iowa. He has had the task of giving me rides a few times (I don’t have a car yet) so I’ve talked to him a bit more than Luke so far. He is pretty funny, but not always because he’s trying to be. The good thing is that when I laugh at him he laughs too. Ben thought it was so crazy that I went to The Master’s College because one of the big things that impacted him to make a decision to follow Christ was listening to John MacArthur preach and he had considered going to The Master’s Seminary. Another semi-coincidence is that he was also looking to go play in Luxembourg but ended up back in Australia (Ben and Luke have both already played several seasons here). Last crazy connection is Ben and Luke both know several people that I know. Small world! Anyway, Ben’s dream is to somehow have a ministry that incorporates a farm, cows, and basketball. If that’s not heaven, I don’t know what is ;) ha ha!

I am sure there will be more characters to add to this list, especially teammates. We have had two practices so far, the third one is tonight, but I am still not practicing. I am just shooting around this week. I have gotten to chat a small bit with a couple of the girls who are also coming back from injuries, but haven’t had a ton of interaction so far. Regardless, the girls have been very friendly and I am looking forward to getting to know them better.

So far everyone I have encountered has been very warm and welcoming. I have met so many people at church already and everyone seems excited to see me and I have already been told several times “you will have to come over for a barbecue!”

I am very blessed by the kindness I have received so far and I thank God for it! It is the people that make our experiences and so far this one has been wonderful!

From Berlin to My Parents' to...Perth!?

So here I sit in the San Francisco airport whittling away time on a 7 hour layover before heading to Sydney, Australia where I will then get on another plane to Perth. How in the world did this come about? How did I get from Berlin to my parents’ couch to here?

I have to admit, I was in a world of ups and downs the last few months. I don’t think that’s a real secret so I won’t try to deny it now. I mean, I did already blog a 2 part essay entitled “What the Heck is Going On?”…I don’t think that would ever lead anyone to think I was trooping through life like the Apostle Paul saying I’m content with anything including chains. I was not content. I was not content to be living with my parents (by no means because of them, they are the greatest saints in this story, it was my own sense of pride that doesn’t want to be that 28 year old with no direction, laying in her pajamas on her parents’ couch at 3 in the afternoon watching re-runs and eating endless bowls of Captain Crunch…Okay the Captain Crunch may sound appealing but…)…I lost my train of though. Oh yes, I was not content feeling like I had failed in Germany, like I was an idiot for not wearing ankle braces, like I had no idea what God was doing or wanted me to do…I had moments of contentment. I had those bright spots of faith and trust when I felt that God really must be doing something but I just needed to be patient…and then I had those impatient moments. My parents, maybe to be renamed St. Thomas and Mother Jeanine (I’m sorry, does that even make sense) listened to me time and again and always encouraged me and lifted me up.

So…as I was going through that time I was trying to figure out what to do next. Ryan Zamroz had told me before I ever left for Berlin that if things did not work out for me in Europe, then I should look into the Australian leagues which don’t start till March. (*Complete random side comment…So I found this little work space thing to sit in, which is incredibly uncomfortable, but have crammed myself into it and unpacked a load of my stuff because it has an outlet---just now looked and realized that it’s not even doing anything, so I’m still wearing out my battery…sweet…)

So anyway. I used some of the loads of free time I had outside of doing physical therapy and working out to create a short highlight video and send out emails to this mondo list of teams in Australia. Ryan had sent me links to various leagues over there and advised me to just send out as many emails as I could as soon as I could. So that happened right at the start of January. One of the teams I had emailed is called the Lakeside Lightning. I had noticed when looking on their webpage that their team was owned by a church, and the thought crossed my mind “wouldn’t it be cool if I could play there and help at the church?” But that kinda ended there as I went on to emailing the next group of teams…

A week later that thought returned when I got an email from the Lightning’s director of coaches, asking me how I had gotten interest in their club and if I would want to start communicating. Uh yes please! From there I began a short series of emails with Andy (director guy’s name), hearing from him usually several days after I’d emailed him (guessing the 15 hour time difference has something to do with that, as well as the fact that they were also already talking to another player)…So I didn’t really know how this communication was going. I couldn’t get a clear idea of the level of interest that they had but I did have some hope about the situation. I was intrigued by what I was finding out about this club. They are owned by Lakeside Baptist Church in Perth, Australia- one of maybe three churches in the world to own a pro sports team. The church owns and operates out of a rec center that serves some 6000 people a week from the community. The team motto is “where it’s more than a game” and the logo features a cross with a basketball…Uh, what? For reals? God? Is that You? Yeah. I think so. Okay anyway. So right around the end of January Andy said he wanted me to speak with the team chaplain and we set up a time to talk via telefono (that's telephone for all you unilingual speakers). Pastor David called me on a Friday evening and we spoke for a bit, him asking me about my relationship with Jesus, church, degree, life aspirations, and more. Again, I enjoyed the conversation but couldn’t really get a read on how serious these people were about me. Pastor David wrapped up the conversation letting me know that he was not the one to choose the new player but was to report back about our conversation. He encouraged me that God would use me anywhere He led me and to keep praying about whether or not that would be with Lakeside. He assured me they were doing the same on their end. He said he did not know what the next step was or what I should expect. With that, all I did expect was to get an email back from Andy with some sort of commentary on what he’d heard about our conversation and what that next step should be. I was thinking another phone call, whether with Andy himself or the coach or something…

Well it turned out the next step was a phone call after all- but not at all what I had mentally prepared for. Monday morning about 7am the phone rang. Seeing as how I’d been hanging out with a friend till 2 am the previous morning I was not up and about…Okay that makes it sound like otherwise I would have been up and about. Anyway, someone left a message on the answering machine-- from my half conscious state I assumed it was someone calling for my mom to sub and I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. A few minutes later Mother Jeanine (is it coming across that this is a play on Mother Theresa? I hope so) came into my room and got me up, letting me know that someone from Australia had called and said he’d call back again in 20 minutes. I got up out of bed and started walking around the house, trying to wake myself up for the upcoming conversation. When you’re talking to someone who may hire you, you want it to seem like you woke up at 5am, ran a half marathon, ate a full breakfast, had some quiet time, and strategized for your day already culminating in a bulletpoint outline that will undoubtedly get accomplished by 5 pm…I am not sure if that’s what came across, but 20 min later the phone rang, I answered, and Andy was on the other end saying something I most definitely did not expect:

“Well, are you packed?”

I just laughed. What?! This is it? My mind started talking to itself- this is it, you are going, they want you, you’re going to Australia! Of course none of that was being absorbed but I kept trying anyway, meanwhile I spoke back “Uh, should I be?” (duh)…

“Yeah, I think you should!”

Me…”well when should I be packed for?”

“When can you come?”

Me…"ha …uh…I can really come any time”

We’d like you here in 7-10 days….

Me…”ok!” Inside (huh? Whoa, what? Cool, yikes, I’m hungry, Where is Perth again? Etc etc etc)

So anyway, that is the gist of how it came about. Andy informed me that I will have a blast in Perth and that he had called me rather than emailed me so that he could hear my reaction. I hope that I communicated it well that I was really excited but I think I was more a little stunned at the time. The job includes playing basketball and using basketball to share my love of Jesus with other people- and get paid for it. Saweeeeeeeeet!

So one would think I entered into a frenzy in trying to get ready to leave the country in 10 days. Uh…it was something like that (Hey, give me a little credit, I did manage to throw a bridal shower for my best friend Gracie poo Tappe that very next Saturday- of course with great help from Mother Jeanine, and miss Tappe’s family and twinner Amber). There are a few things that may not have gotten accomplished…The key thing is that I am now another step closer to getting to Perth. I made it to San Francisco. I could definitely write a whole extra page on the last few hours, but I will spare you. For now.

The biggest thing to take away from this is that God is always at work and man has He delivered big time here. I kept praying that I would trust Him and honor Him whether He gave me a place to play or not. I am humbled that He chose to give me a place to play. Now I am praying that He will get and keep me healthy and that most of all, I will honor Him through this next experience!

My team/church has a web page, as my German coach would say “Google it up!” Lakeside Lightning. :)

What the Heck is Going On (Part 2)

So when I first started writing “What the Heck is Going On?” it was because of my utter confusion over what was taking place in my life in Germany…the utter confusion has not ceased...

I guess it had felt like so many things came together for me to be able to get to Germany, that I thought for sure God was doing something to work it out for me to stay there. Or at least to stay in Europe and play basketball. There was so much thought and prayer and emotion put into the decision, I sought counsel from so many different people and I had been given not only a green light but a blessing from my boss…it just seemed like everything was heading to some positive climax.

When I packed to leave for Germany, I packed to leave for the season. I did not know whether I’d be able to come home for Christmas, but I figured even if I could it would only be a visit…Then I lost the coaching job…then I hurt my ankle…I couldn’t understand what was happening, what was God doing?

I got the email about the Luxembourg team. I thought maybe this was God’s way of taking care of me- of getting me therapy since I had no insurance, but no. I thought maybe this was God’s way of providing a professional job for me, but no. I am not sure exactly what happened with them, but they decided to keep the player I was meant to replace. I wonder how much of it was their (appropriate) worry over me being healthy. Good call on their part because I am still on the mend…

So here I am at home. I wish I could say I know now what God was/is doing, but I can’t. His ways are just as hidden to me, just as perplexing. After finding out the Luxembourg gig was a for sure no go I felt such mixed emotions. I was wanting to just take it in stride and trust God and rejoice in the Lord always…I was in and out of thinking/feeling that way…I was also in and out of utter disappointment, feeling like a failure, and sorry for myself…oh and then there was the guilt over feeling so down about such a small problem when other people have real problems…

A new ray of hope popped up quickly. My dad came home from work, I think the next day, and told me that there was a job opening at the church…I thought this must be God’s answer to my prayer for provision, and something I can do while I heal…Maybe I am meant to just stay here and try the whole bball thing again in the summer…I went and talked with one of the pastors about it and it seemed like everything was good to go…the only thing really that would prevent me from getting the job would be if something came up with basketball in the next few weeks…I started getting myself excited about the job and thinking about how I could work rehab and training in with it and what extra work experience it might give me…But a few days later I found out that there had been some miscommunication over budgeting and the job could not be offered at this time…

The next thing to sorta take some wind out of my sails was going back to the foot doctor…It was meant to be my “final visit”- an appointment made about a month earlier under the assumption that I would be ready to play and heading off to Europe at the start of January…Instead, the doctor expressed concern over the amount of pain I was still in and said it would be best for me to get an MRI (I hadn’t previously, he didn’t think I needed one)…So I got an MRI and while I was thankful that I didn’t have any tears or fractures, I was disappointed to hear that the bone bruises were much worse than he had anticipated and he thought it could be another 4 weeks until I would be able to start running…It was hard to think that if I had just gotten the MRI right away, when I first got back into town, I would have probably gone straight into a walking boot and who knows how much further along I would be now in the healing process?

So that leaves me at this current point. I sent out a bunch of emails and video to some teams in Australia, where the leagues do not start until March…there has been one response of semi-interest…I have also heard about another job that I sent my resume in for…have not heard anything back yet…I was also contacted by a basketball club in Berlin regarding maybe doing some coaching for them- I have no idea at this point if it is something I can do and still play at ASV and also make enough to live on…I am still waiting to hear back…

I really do not know what this is all meant to be. I am praying about it constantly, and again, as I had to do when I was laying on my back on the floor during the game I hurt my foot, I am constantly making a decision to not freak out about it and to just see what happens. I am asking God for healing, I am asking God for direction, I am asking God for the grace to be patient and to have His strength and not be a little whiner…I am looking for the bright spots- of which there really are some big ones. I am so thankful for this time with my family. I am so thankful to be with my parents again and to see Megan, Brian, and the kiddos. I am thankful for time to read and to think…

The battle is for me to look back on those two and a half months in Berlin and wonder, what was going on? What was that all about? I have already described this feeling many times, but it really is how I feel- I feel like I was getting ready for a great adventure, like I got on the airplane and we never quite got off the ground…I had written previously that I struggled while in Germany to define my experience, and I find it equally, if not more, difficult now. It just feels so unfinished. But that may only be due to the expectations that I had. I have no idea what God’s storyline looks like, how maybe I was a minor character in some plot He was working out for someone else. I have no idea how He may re-introduce me to the story later. I have no idea how the plot of my life will unfold for the next chapter.

So for now I keep waiting, trying to make the most of the present, trying to be calm even when I don’t know what the heck is going on. I’m also trying to brainstorm for what I can do next…it seems that in the next couple of weeks I will know whether or not there is any real possibility of going to Australia, which my hunch is that there is not. Maybe there will be an opportunity to return to Berlin with this new coaching gig…Maybe I need to just start working here in Phoenix…Maybe I should return to school at last…If I stay here I have some ideas for doing some volunteer work…One thing I know is my God is for me and I will keep choosing to trust…

Flight Prayer Answered!

Okay, I think this is the last of the posts I had written but never posted. This one retells the story of how God helped me make it home with my cankle...I am sure anyone who would read this blog has already heard the story, but it's worth telling again...I wrote this one November 21...


Leaving Germany had its share of positives and negatives- i.e. getting to see my family and sunshine vs not being able to play or be with my team…But one huge negative- I was NOT looking forward to the flight home with my cankle…

I prayed and prayed that my foot would be okay on the flight. I prayed that He would work something out so that I could have my foot up- to keep the swelling from getting outrageous over the 11 hour flight from London- or that He would somehow miraculously just let my foot not swell up… I was really unsure if God would provide some way for me to keep my foot up or if He was going to just get me through the pain of having it down and I was nervous about it.

After my first flight, less than 2 hours from Berlin to London, my foot was already throbbing. The nervousness (is that a word?) was building… I went to Customer Services and asked about getting put in a seat in front of the wall so that I could put my foot up, but all of those seats were full. They didn’t have any other options for me either. I was prepared to endure the flight.

As I waited to get to my seat my mental toughness dissipated. I was nearly in tears- waiting in line to check in, then waiting in the aisle of the plane for all the people ahead of me putting their bags into overhead compartments- being up on my foot was getting more and more painful. I was dreading the flight. Dreading.

I found my seat at last, an aisle seat (I did thank the Lord for that) near the back of the plane. I got the things I needed from my bag and decided to put it up top to make more room for my neighbors. I sat down and waited….my neighbors never came. As it came closer and closer for the time for the attendants to close the door I felt a great sense of hope- would I really have an entire row to myself???

I asked the nearest flight attendant if I could move to the window seat and stretch my leg across the seats- I explained to her that I have a sprained ankle (I didn’t want to take the chance that someone would ask to move into one of the seats). She told me that it would be fine so long as they didn’t need to move someone there. I nearly started crying again- this time from relief and joy at how God had answered my prayers.

The pilot came on over the loudspeaker- we were slightly delayed because two passengers would not be coming on the flight after all, and the airline needed to get their bags unloaded. The woman across the aisle from me looked at me and smiled- we both were thinking the same thing- those two people were from my row. I pointed heavenward and mouthed “thank you”…she smiled again. I waited with anticipation to see if anyone would get moved into my row. No one was. I really think that as people asked to move around, the attendant never offered the seats I was in.

This was a huge gift to me and I am so thankful for it! How crazy- an entire row on an international flight!!!! When I think of how many seats are on that huge plane, and how many flights there are aday, I know that it is God’s gift to me that the two seats unused were the two next to me. It probably ended up being the easiest international flight I ever had- I laid down, propped my foot up on the side of the plane and hoped my the people behind me were sympathetic rather than upset that they had 3 people in their row…oh well….

What the Heck is Going On?? (Part 1)

Okay, here is another post I wrote a while ago- November 18th, to be exact. I was still in Germany at the time, about 5 days away from leaving...I never finished it, so I figure I will write Part 2 in a bit...(really, in just a few minutes, I will write it, and my goal is to even post it today- rather than wait a month or two!)...

What the Heck is Going On???

Okay, we’ve all asked that question at times in our lives…(Okay some of you maybe are too kind or good to say “heck” but you’re still asking the same question)…That has been the question in my mind so many times in this little German adventure I’ve had…if we can call it that….

I realized the other day that in the time that I have been here I have continuously tried to label this experience, to evaluate it, process it, and put it into words. I have failed repeatedly. People have asked me so many times how I feel about this or that, and time and again I have said, “I don’t know.” I think trying to figure out culture and my place here, whether on a team, with a family, in a city, etc, has been so difficult because things have shifted so constantly, and I felt like I never fully got my bearings…

Now there is a major shift. Two weeks ago I was playing in a game and I had one of the sweetest blocks I’ve ever had, at a crucial time in the game, against this manly post player, and it felt sooooo good- for about a nano-second. Then I landed on someone’s foot and my foot turned completely under me and that felt sooooooo bad. My mind thought instantly, “I am going home.” Literally- I think that is what was going through my mind as my body made its way down to the floor (which took a while because of my major hang time, you guys know me)…My next thought was “I don’t have insurance.” I knew it was bad. I have had sprained ankles before, but this was like, my foot just folded. I laid on the ground crying instantly…maybe possibly sort of freaking out a little bit…The combination of the pain and of thinking what the injury would mean for me both in my quest to play professionally, and financially, was a lot to handle….

After being carried off the court and laying on the sideline I actually thought, “huh, am I okay? Did I just freak out for nothing?” I will be honest. I had a moment where I was nervous that I was okay. Who wants to be the person who writhes on the ground and then pops back up and walks it off? Not me. I get so annoyed by those people.

I just laid there, watching my team finish the game and also praying. It hit me- there was absolutely nothing I could do about my circumstance. Prior to this moment I had been spending a lot of time trying to figure out what I ought to do to try to stay in Germany, to try to keep working towards playing pro or if I should even do that. I was trying so hard to figure out what to do and I was stressing out. Laying on the floor with my foot up I realized that my situation was out of my hands, and there was actually a bit of relief in that. I realized that I had a choice to make- I could be very upset and anxious about the future, or I could trust God with it. I chose the latter. The funny thing about such choices is, at least for me anyway, it is a choice that must be chosen again and again.

When I tried to get up after the game, I was definitely not able to walk, so that helped alleviate some of the “fear” that I was okay (I am twisted, I know)….The rest of the night I felt frustrated, not just because of my ankle, but more so because our team ended up losing the game. I felt upset with myself for how I had played at the start of the game, if I had played better, maybe we would have been up and we would have been able to pull it out…The choice to keep trusting God would have to be made over and over and over even in one night as my thoughts of frustration would keep bubbling back to the surface.

It was a long drive home with my foot propped up on the dash of the van. We stopped at a gas station halfway and everyone else got out, leaving me alone for a few minutes. Once again I used the time to whisper to God my fears and also my decision to trust Him. I apologized for kinda freaking out on Him at first, and for questioning Him. I felt that in those moments I had responded as though He had never done anything for me. I had responded like something a whole lot more life shattering than an ankle sprain had occurred…It was good to have those moments to talk to Him.

Well, to add to the mix of emotions running through me, and the wondering of “what is going on,” when I got home at like 1 am, I had an email waiting for me- a team in Luxembourg had interest in me. I laughed--what amazing timing (sarcasm)! I wrote back that I am interested, but I JUST sprained my ankle….I had no idea how to feel about that at the time because I had no idea how bad my ankle was or when this team would want me…Of course I was hopeful…

The next morning any lingering doubt about my “pansiness” was relieved (if we can call it that) when I unwrapped my foot to find that bloated, bruised, cankle that I had posted on my Facebook. “Great!” I thought, “I am not as big of a pansy as I feared” (Let’s say that is me seeing the bright side of things)… And then, “Now what? How long is this going to take to heal???”

Talk came up pretty quickly about me going home amongst the people in Germany. Everyone felt it would make sense for me to just recover at home since my visa was about to expire, I could no longer play or coach, and I would just be sitting around. The only thing was, I was waiting to hear about the Luxembourg team. There was a series of emails and conversations. They wanted me to come in 10 days to try out. I would not be ready to try out. Then they wanted me to come in a week and have their doctor check my foot. Then, finally, after it was pretty obvious my injury was going to take at least a few weeks to heal, it was decided it would be best for me to return to the states, fully heal up, and possibly return after Christmas.

It took like a week and a half to get to that conclusion- which was fine because I needed a little time for my foot to heal up enough for me to be able to travel. As soon as the decision was made, my parents booked me a flight home for Monday morning. They work fast.